When I miss you

To lose someone very dear to you is something that you will continue to miss for your whole life.

4 months and a week without him 💓

Seminggu dua ni rindu dia lain macam sikit. I used to ask him everything. Up until now, he was the first person I reached for. Setiap kali terlintas soalan dalam kepala, first thing that come with it is I reach my phone, type his number and halfway "what's wrong with you aini? You need to think and resolve things by yourself now. He's not here to talk to you".

Hahahaha. I still act like a little girl when I am with my dad. I miss to hold the end of his shirt when walking around, I miss to hear him say "ok aloh", I miss to ask him to buy me burger & nasi lauk daging, I miss to ask him "ayoh, esok kita gi cameron nok?", I miss to ask him "ayoh nok gi make satay ko harini?", I miss to hear him say "umi tokse kecek doh tu wi ko org lain kecek tu" when I called home.

To think of I had him only for 25 years and was a very short time, then how my younger siblings would feel about it, they had him for a shorter time than me. I should be thankful to all the time he spent with me, to every question he responded, to everything he gave me.

Parents were the one you can never replaced. Only a pair, for now & the hereafter.

I once dream of him and he said, and in the dream I was crying asking him to help me make decision because I was confused and of course dont know what to do, "kakak anak ayoh, kakak besar doh, kakak kena belajar buat pilihan & keputusan sendiri dah loni. Ayoh takdok doh nok tolong buat keputusan ko kakak". That day I was having a hard time making a decision and was crying until I fall asleep. (Haha I know I am such a crybaby 🤭) Someday I would feel sorry to everyone as I can not do as much as my dad. I had my reasons for some of them and I am pretty sure no one would ever want to hear what they are.

#1130pmThursday19Sept19

PRE-GRADUATION

I have been patiently waiting for a moment to share & spam my pre-graduation photo.

To be honest, the day was the best day regarding the farewell celebration before parting with my most beloved girls. I learned a lot about life and love with them.

The photos mean a lot to me. I need some more time to choose & caption them. Stay tuned.

A YEAR OF LOVE, BONDING & LEAVING

Hello!

It's been a while since the last post. Almost a year already. I didn't post any hello yet to welcome this 2019 and today we are in the second half of the year already. Phew, time sure flies very fast.

Lots of huge things happened this year; 2019.

January 27th, my parents (Umi & Ayoh) arrived in Egypt at 6am.

January 28th, I graduated from my medical school in Egypt.

During the ceremony 28th Jan 2019

My last goodbye as a student & officially a graduate from Egypt on February 3rd.

My last farewell to my beloved handsome Ayoh on May 13th.

My last farewell to my beloved cousin, Along on June 22nd.

To those who come across reading this post no matter when, please recite Al-Fatihah for them. My beloved dad, Ahmad Fitri bin Ibrahim & my beloved cousin, Mohd Haniff bin Md Zain.

And to everyone who experiences the loss of their beloved ones, I hope you and your family stay strong & keep being happy. Grieving is always a part of expressing your feeling but make sure to get up and keep moving forward.

A HOPE FOR ALL

As time goes by, I am always reminded by "let's be a good big sister. The best among all they have." 

For whatever reason, I will always tell them "please, always be good to people. Don't try to follow some people who frequently do something not-so-good. Be a person who always attracts people to be better."

Why did I do that?

Why did I say that?

You know, words are something that human will remember for a long time. It will be engraved in their heart and mind to stay there up until they are old, maybe if they get into dementia, they will still recall it back. 

The only wish I have for my young brothers and sisters is for them to be the best version of themselves. It is for self-satisfaction. It is not easy to build an empire with the best soldiers. Alas, you try molding them since they were kids. Isn't it?

I hope one day, this only wish appears to be a reality. Now, they are not little anymore, they are all teenagers, and in a few years, they will be adults. Soon, they will get married and have their own family and little children. Life must go on. That one phrase, always let people know, they have to move forward every single second pass. By shaping them to be the best, I too, expect them to try making their own soldiers the best. 

If someone came across, reading this poor writing, I hope you can take some gold from this and leave all the dirt behind. Try to be better is always something our pure heart desires. Wishing you all the best in life and continue to be true to yourselves. 

PROCRASTINATION, INDEED.

5 days already and 13 days before my last semester exam. The very last semester exam ! But then, here I am still finishing my last essay (other name is assignment) and not start even a bit of studying for that semester exam. I guess I am still enjoying a lil bit of joy before finishing this 'mad' school.

Well, I dont have a lot of things in my mind now to spill here. Explaining the short blogpost.

I wish to write more but I will end up writing nothing.

If someone came across reading this, I hope you have an enjoyable day and excel in what you do. Think of the best thing that can happen if you work hard. Think of what is the beauty behind all those hardship you have to go through. All the best ! 

MY KIND OF HAPPY PILLS FOR NOW

I've been having some kind of attachment with nature since I came back here. Really, they make me want to smile and stop to capture their beauty. Sadly, I don't really have skills to make them look good in pictures.

That's the sole reason why I become a lil bit too obsessed with the sky. I see the same sun which I saw in Malaysia. I see the same moon as I saw in Malaysia. Obviously I miss home that bad. It is my last year here but it feels like forever.

Hoping for tomorrow to be a better beautiful bright sunny day.

THANKFUL

Cannot be thankful enough for the brain and patience which Allah SWT set up in every human kind.

If it wasn't for all the kindness of other people that lend me the most helpful hand, when i needed them the most. This scanner and printer can't be used tonight.

If it wasn't for these beautiful helpful person, I cannot use the printer tonight just because it wasn't updated due to no wifi.

For the brain that thinks the most, for the limbs and senses that moving as asked, thank you thank you and thank you. Your hardwork already paid off when the downloading is on. and I can update this not-so-good story. lol

For always trying to be positive and laughing, let's put your hands together and clap 5 times for me. (thank you for the support haha)